Choices and Changes Read online

  Dean inhaled a deep breath, falling to the floor on his knees. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, trying valiantly to fight back the tears threatening to escape. Why could he not control himself? What was with all the goddamn tears? He could faintly hear someone calling his name from outside, but couldn’t find the strength to respond. Tall and Blond disappeared, walking back into the house a few minutes later with Adam behind him.

  His lover rushed over, falling to his knees beside Dean. “Dean, baby, are you okay?”

  He could only nod in response. “I…the house…close…Xander, can we…” He knew full well that he must sound like a goddamn lunatic, unable to string so much as two words together or make a simple sentence.

  Glasses sat down next to Dean, Blondie sitting beside him. There was a cooler and a chilled, plastic bottle was pressed into his hand, for which Dean was thankful, draining half the bottle of water in a couple of gulps. “So,” Glasses began, “this was my grandfather’s home and, yes, if you’re interested, it is for sale. It’s not even on the market yet, which is why I was thrown when you stumbled in here. But then your partner told us about your recent tragedy and addition to your family and…” Glasses looked to Blondie, the two of them silently communicating with their eyes alone and body language. Adam squeezed his hand tightly and when Dean looked over at him, he was rewarded with a wide smile that instantly relieved a lot of the tension Dean was feeling right then.

  “Anyway”—Glasses cleared his throat—”I think my grandfather is dancing a jig up in heaven right now, knowing that not one, but four gay men want to buy his house to start a family. So, provided you can show proof that the two of you are who you say you are and not batshit crazy, the house is yours.”

  Dean flung his arms around the virtual stranger’s neck, hugging him and laughing. “Thank you!”

  Adam and Glasses exchanged business cards and agreed to speak the next morning and set up a time to go over the estate and all the specifics. “You think I’ve lost my mind, don’t you?” Dean asked as they walked back toward the house, arm in arm.

  “No, baby, I don’t. I think it makes perfect sense for you to gravitate toward the familiar. Victor, Andrew, and Mattie are definitely familiar, but they are also family, who will be there for you and the boys regardless. So, no, I don’t think you’ve lost your mind—quite the opposite actually,” Adam said, pulling Dean close and kissing the top of his head.

  Dusty and David would take a bit more convincing.

  ~ Chapter 20 | This Feels Right ~

  The light from the bathroom bathed the bed in soft hues of blue and silver as Dean lay waiting for Adam to finish his shower. They’d been moving through life on cruise control between settling Maggie and Isaac’s estate, finalizing the paperwork for Dean to become Xander’s legal guardian, and closing on the house down the street from Victor, Andrew, and Mattie. Dean hadn’t been wrong in thinking that Dusty and David would be hesitant about making such a huge, life-changing decision in the wake of losing Maggie and Isaac.

  “I work in the city and David attends class there. I know the apartment is too small for all of us but, damn Dad, you’re talking about us uprooting our lives and moving over an hour away and purchasing a million-dollar home,” Dusty ranted.

  Before Dean could formulate a response, David beat him to it. “I know it’s a lot D, with everything else going on, but this feels right. It’s not like we haven’t faced challenges and gotten through them together before. Which is kind of my point; as long as we’re together, we can do anything, D.” It still took a lot of talking and planning to convince his son that moving to Mamaroneck was the best decision for their new family of five. “The city is no place to raise a baby,” Mattie told Dusty over lunch the day they signed the papers on the new house.

  “I completely agree.” Dean nodded. “Besides, Adam is keeping his house, so we have a place to stay in the city.” They’d already turned one of the four bedrooms in the large home into a nursery for Xander and another into a room for Dusty and David, letting go of the lease on the apartment. Both rooms were sparsely decorated, most of their things now scattered around the new house where Dusty, David, and Xander were then, unpacking and watching movies with Kory and Jon.

  Deciding that they needed some much-deserved alone time, Dean had texted Adam earlier in the day to let him know he’d meet Adam at his house that afternoon; they’d be staying in the city for the night. He and Adam had altered almost every aspect of their lives, gladly, to make a home for Xander, Dusty and David. It left little time for him and Adam to be partners though, much less lovers. It’d been weeks since they’d shared anything more than kisses, hand jobs or blowjobs in the shower in between diaper changes. And even then, the acts felt more like alleviating tension, not their usual lovemaking. Dean missed the feeling of Adam inside him, their bodies becoming one as they sought mutual release. This night alone, just the two of them—he needed it, needed to recapture a brief moment of sanity.

  Rolling over onto his back, the sound of water hitting tile lulling his senses, Dean’s eyelids grew heavy. He didn’t want to sleep, he wanted to enjoy the alone time with his partner, but exhaustion seemed to be winning out over desire. The bed dipped beside him, stirring Dean into a semi-conscious state. “Hey beautiful, you look tired.” Adam kissed him softly. “Go back to sleep, baby.”

  Adam moved to sit up but Dean grabbed his arm, pulling him back down on top of him. “Please don’t. I…I need you to love me right now, make me stop thinking about anything and everything else but you…us,” he begged.

  Ever attentive and caring, Adam stretched his long body over Dean’s, his weight pushing Dean down into the mattress. When their lips met, the kiss was sweet and hesitant at first, deepening and becoming more frantic with each second that ticked by. Adam’s hand drifted down the side of his body, fingers wrapping around Dean’s already throbbing erection. “Tell me what you want, what you need, baby.” Adam growled in his ear and the intensity he heard in the deep, gravelly tone of his lover’s voice made Dean’s toes curl.

  “Oh God, Adam.…You, please fuck me, now!” Dean’s raised voice sounded foreign to him. He’d never been so desperate to have someone inside him, filling him, making him forget. Adam kissed him hard, his body leaning to one side when he reached for the condoms and lube he kept in the drawer of the bedside table. Dean’s body vibrated with pent-up energy and need. Need to be loved, held, and touched—need to be reminded that he was alive and the world would go on spinning, need to be claimed by the man he loved.

  Love? He questioned his own thoughts. Yes, I do, I love this man, he realized, staring up at Adam in a daze. “What’s wrong, baby? Why are you looking at me like that?” Adam asked, concern in his tone and a crease in his brow.

  “Like what?” he asked playfully, running his hands up Adam’s bare chest, softly tweaking his nipples.

  Adam hissed. “Like you’ve had an epiphany.”

  Dean reached for a condom, pressing it into Adam’s hand before grabbing the bottle of lube and flipping the cap, the snick sounding like the bang of a drum in the quiet room. Adam tore the wrapper, extricating the condom and rolling it down the length of his thick shaft. “I did,” Dean told him, his lubed fingers now thrusting in and out of his channel, readying himself to take in his lover’s large cock.

  “You did what?” Adam asked, his eyes drifting slowly down the length of Dean’s body, sparking like a live wire the second Adam saw what he was doing with his hands. “Goddamn, Dean, let me.” Adam sucked on three fingers, getting them wet before reaching between Dean’s legs and knocking his hand away, replacing Dean’s fingers with his own.

  “Oh God…damn…fuck me.” Dean bore down on the digits inside him.

  Adam growled, the sound bouncing off every flat surface in the room. “I intend to, but first, what did you figure out, this epiphany?”

  Oh, how the tables had turned. Dean’s intention was to seduce, to get his lover riled up enough that the big man woul
d fuck him through the mattress. But with Adam’s long, nimble fingers stroking the inside of his channel, grazing his prostate, Dean found it hard to breathe, much less form words. “I…oh God, yeah, right there…I…love…you.” He managed to get the words out between gasps, moans, and finger-fucking insanity.

  When Adam didn’t respond immediately it worried him, so Dean put all the strength he had into forcing his eyelids open, staring up into twin blue pools that sparkled like the ocean at sunset. He could see himself and the love he felt for Adam reflected in those eyes, those brilliant blue eyes that had reached out with unseen hands and pulled Dean to him the first time they met. And he knew right then, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he wanted to fall asleep to those eyes every night then wake up to them every morning for the rest of his life.

  “I won’t say those words to you for the first time when getting ready to fuck you through the wall, baby—but after, we’ll talk about forever,” Adam whispered as he lifted Dean’s legs over his shoulders, lined up his cock and slowly seated himself inside Dean with one thrust. They moved together seamlessly, taking and giving in equal measure. Dean stared up at him through hooded eyes and they held onto each other, bodies slick with sweat, until their slow and steady movements became erratic, frenzied.

  Dean rode the waves of ecstasy, so close to tumbling over, but every time he felt the tingling in his balls, Adam would pull him back. Frustrated and beyond ready to come, Dean tightened his legs around Adam’s hips and lifted, then rolled so he was on top, Adam’s cock still inside him. He rode Adam, hard, hips thrusting and rocking. He loved the feel of Adam inside him, owning him, his lover’s big hands gripping him by the hips hard enough to leave bruises Dean would gladly wear like a badge of honor.

  “You are the sexiest fucking thing I’ve ever seen, Dean, and you’re all mine. Only mine, right?” Adam growled, his fingers digging into Dean’s hips painfully.

  Dean nodded, his head bobbing around like a POP! Character. “Open your eyes baby; look at me,” Adam cooed, his hands gliding over Dean’s abs and chest, tweaking each nipple with his fingers. He slowed the rhythmic gyrating of his hips, blinking his eyes open as Adam had requested, staring down at him. “There you are, baby; did you get what you need yet?” Dean shook his head, leaning into Adam’s palm and licking it, pulling a curse from him.

  Adam sat up so fast he almost launched Dean off his lap onto the floor, flipping their bodies so he was on top again. Dean grabbed the back of his legs, lifting them to his chest and opening himself up completely for his partner. Adam slid back inside him slowly before setting up a punishing pace, hammering Dean’s prostate with every inward push. Leaning over him, Adam held Dean down with one hand around his throat, the other on his bicep. It wasn’t the first time Adam had held him down by his throat while he fucked him, and Dean hoped it wouldn’t be the last. It was primal and passionate all at the same time, meant to be a claiming and Dean got off on being manhandled by his lover.

  “Grab your cock, baby; I’m close and I want you to come with me.” Adam spoke through gritted teeth and Dean did as he was told. The blue of Adam’s eyes had faded into the background, replaced with solid black orbs that looked almost…feral. It only took a couple of tugs on his weeping prick before he shot his load, coming so hard his back bowed up off the bed and his eyes rolled back into his head. Blinking, the man above him, slamming into him like a jackhammer, slowly came back into focus and goddamn if it wasn’t the single most sexiest thing Dean had every witnessed. Adam’s gorgeous face was contorted, stuck somewhere between pleasure and pain as he stilled and dumped his seed into the condom, his body shuddering before he collapsed on top of Dean.

  Dean was drained and felt certain he could lay there and pass out were it not for the two hundred plus pounds of sexy, sated man pinning him to the bed, their bodies stuck together with sweat and come. Fatigue settled in and the next thing Dean knew, the morning sun was shining through the open windows.

  “Morning, sexy.” Adam tightened his hold on him. For the first time since waking up in Adam’s arms that morning, the morning after learning of Maggie’s death, Dean had slept through the night, peacefully.

  “We’re going to be okay, Adam—you, me, and the boys. And I meant it last night, just so you know, when I said I love you.” He rolled over to face Adam, cupping his cheek and kissing him softly. “I love you very much, Adam Chase.”

  “Good, ’cause I love you too, Dean Anderson.”

  ~ Chapter 21 | Saying Good-bye ~

  “Morning Andrew; come on in.” Dean closed the door behind his neighbor, ushering Andrew further into his new home. He’d come to rely on the calm energy that Andrew possessed in abundance the past few weeks while settling into his new life. In fact, Dean truly considered Andrew to be his closest friend of all the men in his life as of late, aside from Adam. The man could juggle a dozen different things at once, metaphorically speaking, but remain grounded and steady throughout. Hell, the majority of the young men that worked for Andrew and his partners at All Cocks referred to him as Mom, albeit jokingly, as well.

  He followed Andrew through the living room and dining room into the kitchen, noticing his arms were full of plastic containers. As he unloaded each container and set it on the counter, he told Dean what was in them. “Lasagna, beef stew, and black bean chicken chili. Then this one has jalapeño cornbread and this one plain cornbread since David doesn’t like the spicy so much.”

  “Thanks Andrew, but you didn’t have to do all this.” Dean opened the fridge to put everything away.

  Andrew waved him off with a brush of his hand. “It’s nothing, really. I do some meal prep on Sundays so that I don’t have to cook every day during the week. It was no trouble at all to make extra today for you guys.” He took the beer Dean offered him with a smile. “Besides, Mattie, Vic, and I want to help you guys in any way we can. All I ask is that you get my containers back to me.”

  Dean laughed, taking a swig from his beer, handing it to Andrew to hold when there was a loud knock at the front door. “That should be the movers.”

  He and Adam had discussed flying out to Texas to take care of the house and everything else, neither relishing the visit. When Maggie’s best friend, Annette, offered to take care of things there with the help of Isaac’s parents, Dean gladly accepted. Beau had acted on Dean and Dusty’s behalf, working closely with the attorney in Texas and Annette to sell the house and some of the furniture and pack up its contents. Pieces that had been passed through both Dean and Maggie’s families for generations were, of course, kept and loaded onto the moving truck to be brought to New York.

  The house had a large basement with an outside entrance so the majority of the boxes the crew with the moving company unloaded were carted down there. The boxes labeled, Dusty’s Room as well as a few of the boxes Dean had packed before coming to New York were brought into the house and set in the den for the time being. Dean asked the men to set his mother’s hutch on the empty wall in the dining room along with the three boxes that held her fine china. “I’ll get this dusted and the dishes unpacked; go make sure they put the rest of the boxes and furniture where you want them to be,” Andrew told him.

  “You sure?” Dean asked. Before Andrew could tell him to piss off, a familiar voice filled Dean’s soul with warmth and happiness, as well as stirring the pain he still dealt with daily in Maggie’s absence.

  “Dean Anderson, you get your country butt over and give me a hug before I smack you!” Annette called out, bracing herself as Dean ran over, grabbing her and spinning her in the air.

  “Annie, why? How?” Simply seeing her, the woman that had been second only to his wife for damn near thirty years flooded him with so many emotions that he couldn’t contain. They fell into one another, hugging and crying and, thank fuck, eventually laughing.

  “Dean, love, is everything okay?” Adam’s reassuring touch grounded him.

  Sniffling and wiping away snot and tears with his sleeve, Dean wrapped an ar
m around Adam’s waist, leaning into him. “Yeah, Adam, I’d like you to meet Annette Weis. Annette, this is my Adam.” He blushed. His Adam.

  “Oh, my, he is a Viking, isn’t he?” Annette giggled, taking the hand Adam offered. “Nice to meet you, Adam.”

  Dean braced himself for a breakdown, remembering his conversation with Maggie only days after he arrived in New York. Talking about the sexy man he’d met, describing him as part Angel and part Viking. Instead of pain and sorrow, his heart smiled. It was the first time in weeks that memories of the woman he’d loved and made a life with hadn’t defeated him. “You sure you’re okay?” He blinked, Adam’s voice pulling him back to the here and now.